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Results Are In: Taylor Heinicke, You Are The Father

(WFT Quarterback Taylor Heinicke holding his new-born, Buck.)

It’s official: Tom Brady has hit his cliff in his timeless career in the NFL. The Washington Football Team completely exposed Bruce Arians and his dumbass mustache/goatee combo, but in the end what a fucking game for the Washington Football Team.

As a fan myself, it seems that right when us fans are ready to pack up for the rest of the season, “Riverboat” Ron says “hold my beer”, and gets us an unexpected dub against a top-tier quality opponent; you saw it last year with Washington upsetting the only undefeated team then in Pittsburgh. Granted, Pittsburgh was the most fraudulent 11-0 team in NFL history.

Right from the get-go on Sunday, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers elected to receive to which WFT cornerback Bobby McCain said, “that makes you know they think you ain’t shit”. To which Kam Curl punched out a caught ball by a no name Bucs’ receiver, I’ll call him Bozo, before Washington corner William Jackson III caught the punched ball out of the air, forcing Tom Brady to throw his first interception of the game.

Washington settled for a field goal from our new franchise kicker Joey Slye to almost fully formulate the WFT’s ideology of becoming the Carolina Panthers version 2.0. Here’s where shit hits the fan for the “goat”. He throws a bone-headed ball directly to WFT safety Bobby McCain to which we settled for a second field goal because you know, we wanted to be humble. 6-0 Washington.

At this point, I’m calling Tom Brady everything from a fraud to being Taylor Heinicke’s shadow. The Bucs really had nothing going for them, while the goat Taylor Heinicke threw an absolute dime to DeAndre Carter, which was immediately followed by a field goal by Bucs kicker Ryan Succop. Then another field goal by goat kicker Joey Slye, and another field goal by average kicker Ryan Succop. Washington was able to score on their first four possessions of a game for the first time in five years. Nice. 16-6 Washington up 10 headed into the second half.

Remember when the Bucs decided to receive because they felt our defense wasn’t good enough? Are they wrong? Probably not, but that’s not the point. After a slow start from the beginning of the half from Washington, the Bucs came and scored a touchdown to backup tight end Cameron Brate, 16-13 Washington. Now, my apartment furnace was broken at this point in time, but I was sweating my ass off. Oh wait, what's that? Antonio Gibson punching it in on a one-yard lineman push into the endzone? Never mind, I’m cool, calm, and collected. 23-13 Washington. Bozo should’ve held onto the football a little stronger.

Fourth quarter starts, Mike Evans burns one of our corners, whatever. It’s Mike Evans, he was supposed to do that. Then, with 10 minutes and 55 seconds left in the quarter, Washington does the unthinkable. A team that not one NFL “expert” said was going to win against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, goes out there and puts on a 10 minute 26 second performance to go for it on 4th and goal and to put the nail in Tom Brady’s coffin with the headstone that reads “Taylor Heinicke’s Revenge Game” with another Antonio Gibson one-yard touchdown. Washington went for two and we didn’t get it, whoopty oh well. Washington up 29-19 and then Tom Brady concedes and bows down to his successor, Taylor Heinicke.

But Mason, what about the tank a majority of your fanbase was raving about? Tank, money in the bank, Tom Brady got spanked, don’t matter Taylor Heinicke for MVP. This game showed that one thing is clear with Ron Rivera and the rest of the coaching staff as well as the entire team. Washington is here, and we might have a slow start to the season, but don’t ever count us out. We’re 11-6 super bowl contenders, and was this win a fluke? I don’t know. Another test is going up against the Carolina Panthers in Week 11, where Cameron Jerrell Newton is back in town.

Washington beat Tampa Bay, but at what cost? Chase Young tore his ACL which sent me into borderline tears when I saw it. Did I lose my confidence? Absolutely. The way I saw Washington rebound after the fact in the second half held my confidence by a hair. At the end of the game, should I have gotten a noise complaint for the way I was acting, especially since we’ve gotten a collective thirteen noise complaints? Absolutely.

Has Washington had a slow start to the season, abso-fucking-lutely. But please let me and others in the Washington Football Team fan base enjoy this win as long as possible.

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